Interview With Xemnas

GIR: Hellooooooooooo evre’bodeh! Welcome to the show!  There are refreshments in the back, and a POOP corn stand should any of you get hungry! I KNOW I AM! We’z even got merchandise T-Shirts with little piggies on them! I love the little piggies! But here’s your host, RPG! *munching*

RPG: Hello! Hello! Welcome everybody to late night with RPG! The show had been under suspension for a while, but it’s back and better than ever!  Tonight I’ll be interviewing a mysterious man who leads an Organization of thirteen! Wow, twelve people to command must be tough to keep them in line!  Well, here he is, you guessed it, Xemnas!

*Xemnas walks on stage and takes a seat, a few claps are heard then all is quiet*

Xemnas: Thank you for taking the time to invite me.  Most people would have actually called up our Number eight, considering how popular he is.

RPG: Well, actually, we tried.  But his phone had been disconnected apparently. Hope nothing happened, I was really looking forward to having a chat with him….personally.

Xem: I see…

RPG: Moving right along.  It really must be tough, being leader and all.

Xem: Well, it is and it isn’t.  I have no problems with Saix, but most of the others see fit to betray me or try to send me to darkness!  When I do so much for them! T_T They’re like my children! I brought them into this non-existing world and they step all over me!

RPG: Kids…

Xem: It can be truly hard when they don’t see fit to cooperate with me! How am I supposed to open up Kingdom Hearts and create a new world when my own minions wont listen to me!

RPG: Yes.  Well, anyway.  I’m a little confused as to what you would do once you got your heart back.

Xem: I wish to become a poet! Oh such aspiring beauty to bestow upon my new world would be the words that pour from my lips like a morning waterf-

RPG: *gags* Ok I get it! Poet, yeah. Sure.

Xem: hmpf!

RPG: So can you tell us a little more about you?  Got any juicy secrets you’d like to share?

Xem: I have NO secrets!

RPG: Oh really!? Then what do you call, THIS!?

*TV rolls from the ceiling behind RPG and turns on revealing Xemnas holding a poupu fruit*

TVXem: Should I? Or shouldn’t I? Oh! But what if he says no!? Dear me! What if he refuses me altogether!

Xem: Turn that off! Where did you…W-When did you!?

TVXem: Ooooh! Maybe I’m getting fat!  Saix will never find me acceptable!

*RPG pauses the TV*

Xem: =O…

RPG: Oh! Ho! HO! So the famous rumors are TRUE!  You DO have a thing for Saix! This is just so delicious! As an added bonus, dear Superior, I brought a second, special guest.  Who has been a member of our very audience this whole time! Thaaaaaaaaat’s right! Saix!  Saix, come right on up here!

*RPG motions towards the audience and Saix arises from the chairs and sits down next to Xemnas*

RPG: So, Saix.  Tell us what you think of this little video?

Saix: *Pauses for a moment, then reaches into his cloak and pulls out a poupu fruit* I…I had always wondered the same thing.

Xem: So…

Saix: Yes!

*The two lean towards each other when there’s a loud bang on the door*

RPG: !?

*The banging gets louder and more frantic*

RPG: Oh no!  I fear it’s…

*The door bursts open to reveal a mob of drooling fan girls*

RPG: RABID YAOI FANGIRLS!! I’VE DOOMED US ALL!!!

Gir: I’m gonna sing the doom song now! Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom dooooooom!

RPG: RUN! RUN AWAY!! But stay tuned for another Late night with RPG!!!

*The stage is overrun with fan girls as Gir continues to sing the doom song*